Dreams of Lost Souls
by pixell
Summary: What if Xander were a lost member of the kalderesh clan? This will eventually be JennyXander romance.
1. Chapter 1

Dreams Of Lost Souls 

Chapter 1  
Author : pixel

Summary: answer to a challenge requesting some Xander/Jenny stories

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: jenny/xander

Spoilers up to bewitched bothered and bewildered then mostly AU after that

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing just borrowing for a while

Authors Notes 1: Ok this first chap is kind of all back story but I needed to establish how Jenny felt about everyone and what had happened up 'til now stick with it I promise actual plot soon.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review

Jenny Calendar stood in the corridor just outside Sunnydale High's library and began to wonder just what the hell she'd ever seen in that uptight Brit Rupert Giles.

She'd accepted his initial shock and anger; at discovering her true reasons for settling on the Hellmouth and concealing her identity from him; but she had expected him to understand that it had just not been possible for her to betray her duty and her people.

Instead he had turned from her completely and though she knew in her heart that he wanted her; and was even beginning to love her; he'd allowed his slayer to make his decisions for him. It wasn't right! From all she'd heard and read Watchers were supposed to guide and train their Slayers but Rupert was allowing this one to dictate to him.

At a time when Angelus was still terrorising the town and endangering everyone Janna Kalderesh could have been a powerful ally in the battle to protect the innocent instead she was being ordered to stay away from them all. Rupert was going to allow these children to fight on but she was supposed to stand aside. Trying to push her anger and frustration away; before she stormed back into the library and confronted Rupert about his blind stupidity; Jenny's mind began to dwell instead on the young people who had joined the Slayer in her fight.

Daniel Osbourne was still mostly a bystander to the group and despite his willingness to fight with them so far; he was probably only there because of his feelings for Willow. Without her he would almost certainly drift quietly away from them especially since that becoming a werewolf his natural instincts would urge him to stay as far from the slayer as possible. He would sense Buffy as a threat to him.

Willow Rosenberg The shy, quietly beautiful girl whose brilliant mind and gentle spirit drew those around her to want to protect Willow not only from the dangers of Sunnydale's unusual nightlife but from any in the world who would hurt her. Jenny had sensed in Willow a raw magical talent that could; with the help of the right teachings; turn the girl into a powerful Wicca. Jenny had ached to be that teacher but had been forced to hold back lest she betray her position as Angelus keeper. Now Willow would not even look at her she'd allowed Buffy to dominate her world and would not turn against her friend.

Cordelia Chase was a contradiction in truth Jenny had little time for the self-absorbed cheerleader. She may have shown that she was willing to brave the dangers that surrounded the town and help out from time to time but Jenny suspected that self-interest played a part in this Cordelia felt that she was safer with the Slayer watching her back then she was trying to survive in Sunnydale alone. Emotionally she was still Queen C caring more about her social standing and how she appeared to others then she did about anything that truly mattered. Her treatment of Xander only confirmed this first she'd hidden their relationship because she was ashamed of him then when it had all finally come into the open she had broken the relationship off in a way that was sure to humiliate the young man as much as possible. She was sure the young man was going to remember that Valentine's Day for a long time.

Turning her thoughts to the final slayerette Jenny felt herself begin to calm down; this young man seemed to have an inherent ability to bring joy and peace to those around him. Until recently she'd seen him merely as a sweet child; slightly immature for his age, not too bright and easily led by his friends. Whilst she'd understood his friendship with Willow and the fierce loyalty he showed his friends she didn't know why he; above all of them; fought so hard against the demons and vampires. Nor why Rupert allowed an untrained boy to place himself in so much danger by fighting at the Slayers side.

She first realised how badly she might have misjudged Xander the night the Hellmouth opened and Buffy had been destined to die. This child had refused to accept the fates' decision and; overcoming his fears and mistrust; had confronted Angelus and shamed the vampire into helping the girl the vampire claimed to love.

Xander had truly come into his own however on the night Angelus had been freed. Thinking back to that awful moment Jenny remembered rushing to warn Rupert and the others what had happened. Right then she had cared little about them finding out who she was she had just wanted them to be safe. On her way to the library in the darkened school she had seen Willow and Xander standing close to Angelus. Even now it filled her with horror how close both children had been to dying that night. As she'd tried to get them away from the vampire Xander had been the only one to realise what she had been trying to tell them that Angel was gone and a monster stood in his place. Cross in hand he'd attacked Angelus' blind side and shocked the vampire into releasing Willow.

Later that night; whilst the Slayer grieved and fell apart and the supposedly unflappable Watcher had succumbed to blind panic; it had been Xander who had come quickly to terms with the implications of Angelus being loose. Xander, who had come up with a plan to stop the Judge and Xander who had held them all together and kept them safe the bumbling child had been replaced by a determined warrior, who had inspired them all. The day should have ended with Angelus a pile of ashes on the floor of the mall but Buffy had been too weak to do her job and the monster had been allowed to slip away.

Over the following days Buffy had fallen into a worsening depression and instead of forcing her to face up to her responsibilities; and sending her to hunt for and destroy Angelus; Rupert was allowing her to ignore her duty as the Chosen One. Whilst the Slayer was whining about her lost love the man in question was taking over Sunnydale's demonic community and murdering her classmates.

Rupert had to be made to see that the situation could not continue her people had intended for Angelus to suffer for his crimes against them, but despite what her Uncle had claimed most were sickened by the breaking of the curse. They had no wish for yet more families to have to grieve as they had for their lost daughter.

Right now however Rupert seemed more interested in yelling at Xander for the botched love spell the boy had used to try and win Cordelia back. Though Jenny did not believe Cordelia was worthy of the trouble she thought Rupert was being unnecessarily harsh. Xander had little knowledge of the mystical world and no idea that the spell would backfire so spectacularly. Ok it had been disturbing ( or more honestly downright freaky ) to remember that she'd wanted to rip Xander's clothes off right there in the library and had been prepared to fight the young Wiccan Amy for him but in the end no actual harm had come to anyone and the female population of Sunnydale was busy repressing all their memories of strange behaviour. More to disturbing to her had been the feeling of familiarity when she had touched Xander he had felt like someone she knew well and from deep inside him she could sense a power similar to her own gypsy magic. Rupert had practically accused Xander of deliberately endangering Buffy when the boy had crept quietly into the library to apologise this morning. The Watcher had gone on to harangue Xander at length telling the boy he was reckless, stupid and generally destroying what little self-cofidence and pride Xander had left after Cordelia's public humiliation at the dance.

Jenny had no idea Rupert could be so cruel not to mention hypocritical, in his own youth he had done so much worse. Or had he really forgotten that she had nearly died when Ethan Rayne had brought Eyghon back into his life. How had she misjudged Rupert so badly, had her time away from her people really clouded her perception so much? With that thought Jenny was right back where she'd started standing in the hallway wanting to tear Rupert Giles into little itty-bitty pieces.

Realising that the voices from within the library had grown silent and thinking that both Rupert and Xander must have left by the other doors Jenny slipped inside and sat down at a table. Resting her head in her hands she let out a deep sigh of sorrow and set to thinking about how she could try to fix the mess her life had become.

"It wasn't your fault you know and it's not your job to fix all this."

The voice drifted across the library and raising her head Jenny saw Xander sitting on the steps.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Dreams Of Lost Souls 

Chapter 2  
Author : pixel

Summary: answer to a challenge requesting some Xander/Jenny stories

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: jenny/xander

Spoilers up to bewitched bothered and bewildered then mostly AU after that

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing just borrowing for a while

Authors Notes 1: Ok I know I promised plot but you'll have to settle for slightly angsty conversation explanations and plot will turn up in chap 3.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review

"I thought you and Rupert had left."

"No, he did the storming off thing but I just wanted to kinda hang here for the day. Look I'll find somewhere else to hide out, you sounded like you weren't really after company." As he finished speaking Xander pushed himself up from the stairs and started heading past Jenny to the doors.

"Wait. Alone really isn't what I want and you're the only one still willing to talk to me."

Xander looked her straight in the eyes and with a sigh as full of sorrow as hers had been sank into the chair on her right. "Ok back to the **not your fault **thing. You did not craft the original curse, you didn't know about the soul-losing clause, and you definitely weren't the one who gave Angel the big happy. Also you're not God. This whole thing sucks, I mean everyone is miserable and scared right now, but fighting amongst ourselves is just making it easier for Angelus to beat us. Sooner or later the others are going to realise that too."

"Buffy isn't ever going to forgive me and the others will follow her lead."

"Yeah well, the G-man can be an idiot."

"I didn't say Rupert."

"But he is the one who hurt you the most. He's not like most Watchers, I've been reading up on them in the old diaries, and mostly they talk about their Slayers as though they're nothing more than a living weapon like the individual doesn't matter at all. Giles though, he cares about Buffy I guess she's the closest thing he has t a child of his own and he loves her. Also he's still feeling guilty about that prophecy thing last year. He truly did expect her to die everything he'd been taught told him there was no way round the prophecy and when she didn't die he felt he had let her down, abandoned her, that he should have been the one to save her."

"She did die Xander. You brought her back."

"And you were right here with Giles when the Hellmouth opened, you fought alongside him, helped save us all. You've earned the right to be a part of this, we all have. Giles and Buffy are going to have to face that soon or we won't survive. Mind you right now I think I'm a little higher on Giles' shit list than you are. Which reminds me I owe you a grovelling apology for my idiocy yesterday. You were trying to fix things with Giles and instead got all caught up in my latest disaster." The last few words were said with a bitterness and despair that made Jenny look, really look, at Xander. He seemed lost, broken somehow, and she again silently cursed Rupert for attacking the boy.

"Xander, Rupert wasn't going to listen to me anyway and you don't have to keep apologising to me or anyone else. The love spell mightn't have been a great idea but you had no idea how it would turn out. You weren't trying to hurt anyone you just wanted to be back with the girl you love."

Xander's hollow laughter interrupted Jenny before she could say more, "trouble is a lot of the guilt I'm feeling is because I don't love Cordelia that is."

"Then why?"

"The spell? Ok I was sitting in class the day after the dance and Cordelia was being……."

"A bitch?"

"Yeah her usual charming self. Anyway I was hurt and really angry, it was the way she dumped me, and the reasons me not being good enough to be seen with her. So I was daydreaming up ways to make her feel like I did and the best one I could come up with was her falling for me again and me dumping her, in public just like she did to me. Probably would have been nothing more than a nice little fantasy, but right then I looked up and saw Amy handing in invisible homework. So I just walked up and asked her to be-spell Cordy for me if she'd said she couldn't do it or it'd taken long to set up I'd probably have calmed down or talked myself out of it. As it was a couple of hours later we were all set with the mojo."

"Means, motive and opportunity handed to you on a plate."

"Yeah. So I'm guessing the whole backfiring spell thing **was** my fault 'cos love spells are supposed to be pure and I was all about the vengeance. Which is where the extra guilt comes in right now everyone thinks I'm a complete moron, but they think I did it for love, if I 'fess up I'm not just a moron, I'm a sleazy, vindictive moron."

"You were hurt and you had reason to be Cordelia shouldn't have behaved the way she did."

"Well let's face it she was right, I'm not exactly in her league, it was all kind of a joke Queen C and the class loser."

"Dammit Xander! Don't talk about yourself like that. **You are not a loser**. When everything started to go wrong with Angelus, you were the one that kept us going, stopped the Judge saved all our lives. If your cheerleader can't see that then maybe she's the one who isn't good enough. After everything you've all seen and faced this past year she should have realised that the stuff she was talking about, appearance and status, mean nothing."

"Wow! No one ever said anything like that to me. I'm not sure the others even really noticed what went on with the Judge; except for Giles lecturing me about breaking into army bases and stealing stuff."

"He did what? God what is wrong with him?"

"How long you got? So how about I promise to stop beating myself up if you do the same?"

"We're a right pair of miseries, aren't we?"

"Yep, all brood, guilt and angst. Aaargh! We're turning into Deadboy the none evil version."

Jenny started to giggle, despite everything she was starting to feel better and catching a glimpse of Xander doing a really bad Angel impression, they both began to laugh for the first time in weeks.

Which, of course, was the exact moment Giles, Willow and Buffy chose to walk back into the library.

Tbc…


	3. Chapter 3

Dreams Of Lost Souls 

Chapter 3  
Author : pixel

Summary: answer to a challenge requesting some Xander/Jenny stories

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: jenny/xander

Spoilers up to bewitched bothered and bewildered then mostly AU after that

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing just borrowing for a while

Authors Notes 1: I don't have a beta for this so all mistakes mine, and I know my grammar can suck at times. Will try to fix any glaring errors later. Thanks to all who mailed and said they liked this Enjoy

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review.

Hands on hips, angry sneer plastered on her face Buffy stormed up to Jenny and ground out "What the hell are you doing here?"

Unfortunately Jenny was laughing too hard to answer and Buffy's expression became even angrier.

Giles just managed to step between them as Buffy reached out to grab Jenny's arms. Not meeting her eyes he looked down at Jenny and with a harsh voice told her "You are not welcome here anymore; you've done enough damage. Leave."

The laughter just drained away from Jenny as she looked up at the man she'd been busy spending the last year falling in love with and; seeing no compassion or love left in his face; she turned and headed for the doors, stumbling slightly as tears began to burn behind her eyes. Tears she forced back as she never wanted them to know how badly his words had hurt her. She heard a chair scrape across the floor but didn't dare look back in case she lost control and let them see her pain. Xander's voice full of contempt cut through the silence "For God's sake Giles, when are you fucking going to grow up and think for yourself?" She felt an arm slip around her waist, steadying her, and looking up into Xander's warm eyes she let him lead her towards the exit.

"Alexander Lavelle Harris! Just what do you think you're doing leaving with her? You belong here with us. Did you forget what she did to us?" Willow called after them.

Xander paused at looked back towards his oldest friend and his voice was softer this time, sadder "She didn't do anything to us Wills, and I'm going with her because I'd rather be around her than Buffy or Giles right now and because she shouldn't have to be alone."

Willow and Giles flinched slightly at Xander's last word each starting to wander if they'd gone too far. Buffy's angry expression never changed and for a second it looked as though she was going to yell back at Xander before a glare from Giles shocked her into remaining silent. None of them made any move to stop Jenny and Xander from walking away from them. Jenny had hardly noticed Xander's softly spoken defence of her; she was too busy relishing the feelings of comfort and safety she got from touching him.

Leaning into the gentle embrace, she was too upset to wander why this felt right, when suddenly her sub conscious finally registered the conversation from the library. Her mind began to whirl "Alexander Lavelle Harriss…..Lavelle…..he couldn't be…..it wasn't possible…..he feels like home…..too much of a coincidence…..he's the right age…..clutching at straws…..he looks like…..don't do this to yourself…..he feels right…..Lavelle" As Jenny's internal argument raged on, she didn't notice their progression through the school or the curious looks from those students who saw them, coming back to herself only when she felt Xander draw her to a halt by the side of her car.

Reaching a decision she took a deep breath and slipped slightly away from him so that she could easily see his face, looking him directly in the eyes she demanded "What's your mother's name"

"Ok kind of out of left field there."

"Xander!"

Seeing the intense expression on Jenny's face Xander began to realise that this was serious and important to her. "Jessica Marie Harris"

"And your father?"

That one struck a little closer to home and Xander's voice became exasperated "Look Miss Calender what's this about?" He would have spoken more but for her softly spoken plea "Please"

"Which one? My mom married Tony Harris when I was about a year old, he adopted me, changed my name. My real dad," Xander took a moment before continuing, "they never talk about him, hate talking about him, it's like he never existed. I don't really know much apart from his name, Victor…..Victor Lavelle."

"Oh goddess... Alexei!" and with that Janna Kalderesh started to cry in earnest, collapsing into his arms and holding him tightly. Leaving a bewildered Xander to wander why this felt so right and how she knew his real name?

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

Dreams Of Lost Souls 

Chapter 4  
Author : pixel

Summary: answer to a challenge requesting some Xander/Jenny stories

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: jenny/xander

Spoilers up to bewitched bothered and bewildered then mostly AU after that

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing just borrowing for a while

Authors Notes 1: Sorry this chap a bit delayed got kinda busy R/L work family and all that shit.

Thanks for the reviews and for those who emailed.

In answer to a couple of questions I got yes there will be romance but not just yet 'cos if they went too quickly from student/teacher to lovers it would just be icky.

And no the romance wouldn't be incest. I have no clue how Romany families really work but this is my little universe so for the purposes of this story they are divided into family tribes Lavelle Kalderesh and any others I come up with. Tribes join together to form clans. Jenny and Xander are the same clan but different tribes.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review

Hours later Xander shifted his position on Miss Calender's couch before realising he was never going to be able to sleep. Not with his mind whirling away trying to process everything he'd learnt tonight. Looking around the room it was hard for him to equate this apartment with the modern and trendy computer science teacher he thought he knew. She had to leave her world behind to take up her job as Angel's guardian but here in this place she'd brought it with her. There were brightly covered throws and lace coverings everywhere he looked; a set of shelves held ancient books and scrolls to rival Giles' collection; figurines and statues surrounded a small Wiccan altar in one corner; and on every available surface were pictures; of her family, her life, her old world. Xander's gaze was once again drawn to a small silver frame near the window but he wasn't ready to look at it again. Miss Calender had insisted that he stay and said he should get some rest; but he just couldn't find peace.

"Oh yeah; not Miss Calender, Janna. Don't have to be formal with her, not with clan. Oh God I've got a family…..a real family…..I'm not Alexander Harris I'm Alexei Lavelle…..I'm Romany…..I have powers…..Ok don't focus on that…..me and the mojo don't mix…..I've got a grandfather, uncles and cousins…..family."

Settling back down on the couch Xander began to sort through the story that Janna had spent the evening telling him. Wandering all the time if he was going crazy or maybe he'd wake up to find it had all been a dream or another spell gone wrong. As a little kid he'd had fantasies of his real Dad showing up and taking him away to somewhere better but as he'd become older he'd grown out of those childhood dreams and resigned himself to the life he had.

Janna had told him that Victor, his real father, was the son of one of her clan's elders; he'd been bright and popular and loved. Everyone had expected him to marry the daughter of one of the other elders, perhaps even Janna's sister to help cement ties between the clans. However one day Victor had gone to his father, Anton, and told him that he had met someone and fallen in love; and despite the fact that she was not Romany he had every intention of marrying her. That woman was Jessica, Xander's mother. She was introduced to the clan and although some were wary of accepting an outsider, someone not of their blood, and others felt that at only 17 years old she was too young to make such a decision, most were won over by the obvious love the two shared. Gradually Jessica had become one of them and though she had few close friends all rejoiced with the couple when; 18 months after the marriage Alexei was born.

That had been when tragedy had struck. He'd been less than a week old when a fire had swept through the Lavelle compound and Victor was killed. The man had apparently died a hero, dashing back into the burning buildings time and again to rescue those who'd been trapped by the flames, but on his last trip failing to save himself. As Janna had told that part of the story she'd wept again and this time Xander joined her in her grief. Even though he had sensed her holding back in some parts of the story as though there were things she wanted to protect him from finding out; he knew this was not the time to press for answers she might not be willing to give.

When their tears had dried Janna had suggested they take a break from the revelations and so they ordered take out and whilst they ate talked of lighter things. Janna had tried to tell him more of life among the Romany and he had shared tales of growing up with Willow and Jesse; grateful when she hadn't questioned him about where Jesse was now.

After they cleared away the leftovers and settled back down in the living room, Janna had told him the rest of the story.

After the fire the clan had been in disarray, his was not the only life lost and in the midst of all the clan's grief and suffering Jessica had been left alone and things had then gone badly wrong.

As head of the Lavelles Anton had been the first to pull him-self together and start planning for the future. Unfortunately many of those plans had revolved around Alexei, who was now Anton's heir, and he never once consulted Jessica about these plans. They hadn't consciously excluded her but in times of crisis the clans held true to the old ways; when the elders decided what everyone should do; however they forgot that this young widow still knew little of their ways and didn't notice that she had become, once again, the outsider. No one realised exactly how isolated and withdrawn she'd become until the morning they discovered she'd gone. She'd left behind only a short note, saying that neither, she, or her child belonged with the clan, she'd lost her husband and wasn't just going to sit back and watch them take her son too.

Anton had gone crazy, the entire clan had searched everywhere for the missing woman and child, even using magic, but somehow Jessica had managed to stay hidden. She'd been smart enough not to contact her family or old friends and had found some way to shield herself from their magic. As the months of futile searching had stretched into years they'd all but given up hope of ever bringing their lost child home.

Xander had a hard time understanding why Jessica had gone to so much trouble to keep him, all his life he'd felt like he was an inconvenience to his parents and his mother had never shown him the kind of devoted love Janna had talked about. But then the Jessica Janna had described was nothing like the woman Xander knew now. Sighing in defeat, Xander crossed to the window and picked up the picture Janna had shown him just before they'd decided to stop talking for the night. She'd explained that the photo was taken the day before Victor died; the man was standing with his arms wrapped around a beautiful woman who cradled a baby in her arms.

Xander studied the picture trying to see his mother in the woman captured in the photo, this woman was young, beautiful and her eyes shone with love and laughter, the woman Xander knew today was worn down, tired and for as far back as he could remember her eyes had been dead and lifeless. He shifted his eyes to the man, trying to see himself in this stranger, they shared dark eyes and dark unruly hair but it was hard to see anything familiar in this wild and romantic figure.

Janna had been so excited about finding him that she'd wanted to contact his gradfather and her own family immediately but Xander wasn't even close to being ready to deal with that; so he'd managed to extract her promise that she'd wait, at least for now. Seeing the soft glow of dawn start to shine through the window Xander realised he wasn't going to sleep this night. Quietly gathering his things together, he left Janna a short note and headed for the door. Janna had insisted he stay the night rather then risk getting munched on by the nightlife as he walked home, but by now the vampires and monsters should be off the streets and Xander needed to be alone. He wanted so badly to talk to Willow about everything Janna had told him but was afraid she'd still be angry about what he'd said in the library and he wasn't sure he could cope with that right now. So he'd do the next best thing, head for Restfield cemetery and tell Jesse everything and, when he'd calmed down a little, go home and have a long overdue discussion with his mother. He just needed to ensure he didn't get there until after his father left for work.


	5. Chapter 5

**Dreams Of Lost Souls**

Chapter 5  
Author : pixel  
Summary: answer to a challenge requesting some Xander/Jenny stories  
Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: jenny/xander  
Spoilers up to bewitched bothered and bewildered then mostly AU after that  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing just borrowing for a while

Thanks for the reviews and for those who emailed.  
In answer to a couple of questions I got yes there will be romance but not just yet 'cos if they went too quickly from student/teacher to lovers it would just be icky.  
And no the romance wouldn't be incest. I have no clue how Romany families really work but this is my little universe so for the purposes of this story they are divided into family tribes Lavelle, Kalderesh and any others I come up with. Tribes join together to form clans. Jenny and Xander are the same clan but different tribes.

Authors notes 1 I'm sorry I haven't updated this one in a long time, but I came down with a serious case of writers block regarding this story, I've got the bugs worked out and the remainder of the story is planned out, so expect more regular updates, or at least as regular as my other fics. Thanks to all who encouraged me to come back to this, it really helped to know people liked it.  
Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review

**Chapter 5**

Jenny found herself standing warily before the library doors for the second time in two days. She really wasn't looking forward to another confrontation with Rupert, but she was running out of ideas. She'd been disappointed to find that Xander had left without speaking to her that morning, but had figured she could talk to him at school; only he hadn't shown up. Not to registration or to his computer lesson with her, when she realised that he wasn't on campus she'd driven to his house, during the lunch break, only to find her wasn't there either. She'd only found his step-father, who'd been drunk and abusive, shouting about his good for nothing wife and her freaky kid and how they'd gone and left him. Now she was really worried and knew that the only thing she could do was to ask his friends if they'd seen him. Steeling herself for the inevitable fight she pushed open the doors and walked inside.

Giles looked up from his place behind the counter, and though a brief smile crossed his face when he first saw her, he didn't acknowledge her presence. Willow was working at one of the tables, and Janna was glad to see that Buffy was nowhere in the room. Maybe she could get out of here without a fight after all.

"I was wondering if either of you have seen or heard from Xander?"

Giles looked surprised by her question, but didn't say anything so it was left to Willow to reply. "He's not in school today, so he's probably at home."

"So you haven't heard from him?"

"After yesterday he's probably embarrassed, he'll call when he's ready to apologise to Buffy." Willow didn't know why Miss Calendar wanted to find her friend, and it seemed a little strange that she'd be asking after him.

Janna just saw red, she'd been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last two days, and Willow's oh so casual dismissal of Xander's whereabouts was the last straw; not to mention the idea that Xander had anything to be embarrassed about. "Xander isn't at home, in fact according to that drunken idiot masquerading as his father; both Xander and his mother left for good. As for him apologising to Buffy; are you out of your mind? All he did was disagree with her, I assume he is entitled to an opinion of his own; or are you all living under the delusion that just because Buffy is the Slayer, she's automatically right about everything. Xander did nothing to cause himself embarrassment; he simply tried to help me when he saw how upset I was. Since when is being compassionate to another human being wrong?"

Willow ignored most of what Janna yelled at her, focusing on her first words, "What do you mean Xander and Jessica are gone? Why would you be at his house?"

"I don't know why they left, or where they went; that's why I came to ask you if you'd seen Xander. I went to his house because I was worried when he didn't show up to class this morning."

"You're wrong, Xander isn't gone; he wouldn't do something like that without talking to me. He's my best friend."

"After the way you turned on him yesterday, are you really surprised he wouldn't talk to you?"

"I didn't turn on him, he turned on us."

Janna was beginning to realise that she wasn't going to get any answers from Willow and though she wanted to make the young woman see how badly she'd treated Xander, right now her priority had to be locating him. "Willow Xander didn't turn on you, he just saw things in a different way, you and Buffy are the ones that turned it into a big fight. If you really haven't heard from him, do you have any ideas of where he might be?"

"This seems an awfully strange reaction to a student missing a single class, why exactly are you so concerned about young Xander's whereabouts?" Giles spoke up for the first time, though he still wouldn't meet Janna's eyes.

"Like I said, he was upset, then his father said he was gone. We live on a Hellmouth Rupert, or did you forget? When people disappear here it's never a good thing."

"But from what you said he's with his mother, and you're displaying far more than simple concern. Yesterday I wouldn't have thought you and Xander had exchanged more than a half-dozen words; yet today he seems to have become very important to you."

Janna wasn't happy that Rupert could read her so easily, but there was no way she could confide in him about what she'd learned about Xander's origins. If she was going to get Xander to trust her, then she had to give him time to come to terms with it; and telling anyone else before he was ready would definitely upset him. "You're right, we hadn't talked before yesterday; but he was there for me when I needed someone and I'd like to return the favour. Seeing as neither of you know where to find him, I guess I'll have to keep looking." With that she headed for the door.

"Wait, please." Willow's voice was a calmer and she seemed to be a lot less sure of herself. "Are you really worried about him? Only I don't know why his mom would leave Tony. He's…..not a nice man, but whenever Xander tried to talk to his mom about leaving, she wouldn't hear of it. I guess you could be right about why he didn't call me; but I didn't turn on him…..he's my best friend, it's just that Buffy needed my support."

"And that was more important than Xander's feelings?"

"Now hang on," Giles was beginning to sound angry as he perceived an attack on his Slayer, "Buffy has been through a great deal of trauma of late, some of which was caused by you. Of course we're going to support her."

"Buffy wasn't the only person to have ever been hurt by a vampire Rupert, Xander and Willow lost their oldest friend the night of the harvest and I don't see you allowing them to wallow in self pity. I don't answer to you or your Council Rupert, Angelus was cursed by my people for a damn good reason; and I've nothing to apologise for. How could anyone foresee that a hundred years on he would fall in love with a Slayer and that her Watcher would be lax enough to allow such a ridiculous relationship?"

"How did you know about Jesse? You weren't even teaching here when he died, nobody ever talks about him anymore."

"You don't talk about him Willow, but Xander does, he told me all about it, how much it hurt him to have to stake Jesse."

"Xander staked Jesse? Oh my god, he never told me that. I knew Jesse didn't make it through the harvest, but Xander never said it was him. Why didn't he tell me?"

"Probably because you didn't want to talk about it. Xander wouldn't have wanted to upset you, so he tried to keep you from getting hurt. That's the kind of person he is, he worries more about his friend's feelings then he does his own."

"He's always looked out for me, right from kindergarten, I don't know what I'd do without him." Willow glanced quickly at Giles, she was pretty sure he wasn't going to like this, but she'd made up her mind, "I know a few places Xander and his mom might be, I could show you if you want?"

"Willow, really if you're concerned about Xander I'll tell Buffy to look for him when she's on patrol. There's no need for Miss Calendar to be any further involved."

"I'm sorry Giles, but I don't want to wait that long, I'm going to help Miss Calendar now."

"But Buffy….."

"Is my friend, but so is Xander; and right now I need to know that he's okay. I think maybe that I haven't been a very good friend to him lately."

Janna and Willow left the library together, leaving a very bad tempered Giles behind, and started to look for their missing friend. Two hours later and they had to face the fact that Xander and his mother were really missing. They'd looked everywhere that Willow could think of, but had found no trace of them. Janna was becoming visibly distressed and Willow was beginning to realise that Giles might have been right; that something was going on between her teacher and her friend. "I don't know where else to suggest, we've already been everywhere I can think of. Maybe we should go to the police and file a missing persons report?"

"No, I don't think they've been gone long enough for the police to be willing to do anything. I have one last idea, we could do a spell to locate them, that's if you'd be willing to help me?"

"A spell? Wow, I don't know much about magic, can we really do that?"

"You might not know much Willow, but you do have a great deal of natural talent, I had been going to ask if you wanted me to teach you; before everything went wrong with Angelus. The offer's still there, but I'll understand if you don't take it up. Please make sure you find someone to learn from though; untrained magic can be very dangerous."

As they headed to Janna's apartment so that they could do the spell, Willow thought about what her teacher had said. She'd already begun to realise how badly she'd treated Xander in her quest to support Buffy; and now she had to face the fact that maybe she'd mis-judged Miss Calendar too. Buffy and Giles were adamant that the only reason the teacher had been nice to any of them was so that she could get close to Angelus; but Willow was certain that the older woman wasn't faking her concern for Xander. Giles had flat out refused to teach Willow magic, saying it would be a waste of time, but Miss Calendar seemed to think that it was important that she learn to use her gifts.

Willow was book smart, but she knew that she wasn't people smart. Aside from Xander and Jesse she'd never had any other friends, that's why Buffy was so important to her; but she was starting to realise that friendship shouldn't have to mean that she blindly followed after Buffy all the time. She'd damaged her relationship with Xander in an attempt to make sure she kept Buffy as a friend and now she was beginning to wonder if it was worth the cost. All she could do was hope that they tracked Xander down, and that he'd be willing to talk to her when they did.

As they pulled into her street, Janna began to explain how the spell would work to Willow, glad to have something to distract her from her worry, but as she parked the car, they realised they wouldn't need the spell after all. Xander was sitting on the steps outside her apartment, there was a large bag at his feet; and when he raised his eyes to look at them they could see he'd been crying.

All thoughts of their argument forgotten, Willow launched herself at Xander and hugged him tightly, all the while babbling apologies and questions. When they'd both calmed down a little, Xander drew back from their embrace and looked at Janna for the first time. "I'm sorry I ran out on you, but I needed some time to think, then I went to talk to my mom. She didn't exactly take it well; in fact she took off, left me, my dad, Sunnydale. She's gone." Willow pulled Xander back into her arms and tried to comfort him, Janna could do nothing but watch and pray that there was some way for her to make this right.

_tbc……_


	6. Chapter 6

_You can thank Thomas for this chapter - living proof that begging and shameless flattery can, on occasion get an author to write. However i will warn that i have many wips, that i rotate, so expect updates to be erratic._

**_PART 6_**

Hours later, as she sat in Oz's van outside her home; Willow's head was spinning as she thought over everything she had learned that night. The things Jenny and Xander had told her were almost beyond belief. She'd always known that Tony Harris wasn't Xander's real father, but she hadn't given much thought to it in years.

When they were little and Tony had been particularly awful, she'd joined with Jesse and helped weave incredible stories about Xander's real family, in an attempt to make their friend feel better about his life. No story they'd come up with in their childhood, could ever match what she now knew to be the truth.

Though the revelations about his family wasn't really what disturbed her so much. As she'd watched Xander talk, heard the way he spoke, it was as though she was seeing him with new eyes. He'd changed, and not just because of the news about the Kalderesh. She'd never known that he'd been the one to stake Jesse, and seeing the shadows in his eyes when he spoke of it, made her feel incredibly guilty.

Thinking about Jesse had hurt so much, and she hated that, so she'd stopped thinking about him. And that meant she never talked about him, never remembered him the way she should have. Because of her reaction, Xander had been left with nobody to talk to about what must have been an incredibly traumatic experience.

Then there was Cordelia, when she'd found out they were together it had been like a knife in the gut. Finally being forced to realise that Xander wasn't ever going to look at her that way, was something she hadn't dealt with well. She'd let her jealousy and bitterness consume her, never once thinking about how Xander felt.

She'd got together with Buffy and they'd laughed about it, trashing Cordelia and Xander both. She'd believed Buffy when the other girl had said that Xander was just being led by his hormones; that it wasn't a real relationship, just sex between them. But now she had to accept that Xander really had cared deeply for the cheerleader, and had been badly hurt by the way she'd treated him.

Xander was her best friend; it was a fact, immutable in her life, right up there with the Theory of Relativity or Newton's Third Law. She knew without a doubt that he'd be there for her no matter what. That he'd love her, support her; give her anything she needed or wanted. He was her best friend, but she was finally realising that she hadn't been his. She'd been so caught up in Buffy, and all the excitement that went with being the friend of the Slayer; that her relationship with Xander had fallen apart. Worst of all, she hadn't even noticed it happen.

"I screwed up, didn't I?" Willow's voice was tiny, and she snuggled closer to Oz, feeling his arms wrap around her. "I don't know how to fix it."

"Be his friend." Oz's words were firm and sure.

"I don't want to choose, he needs me but so does Buffy."

"Did he ask you to choose?"

"No he would never do that."

"But Buffy would?"

"Maybe, she's so hurt right now. Angelus is terrorising the town and she needs support. I think that her anger is the only thing keeping her going. If she lets go of it, accepts that Jenny didn't do anything wrong, then she'll fall apart."

"Perhaps she needs to." At Willow's quizzical look, Oz tried to explain, struggling to find the right words. "If she breaks…….lets go, then maybe she can start to heal. She might fall apart for a while, but she's got people who'll put her back together. Giles will be there for her, so will her mom, you'll help; and Xander, if she'll let him back in. Despite everything, I don't think he'd turn her away if she asked.

Right now, she's letting herself be defined by her pain, letting it consume her; and if something doesn't snap her out of it, then Angelus is going to win. I can't imagine her pain, but in the end that doesn't matter. She's the Slayer and that's a responsibility, not a job, how many more Theresa's will there be before she accepts that she has to stop him?"

"What if she can't?"

"I don't know, but Willow it isn't your responsibility. You can be there for your friends, but you can't fix them all by yourself. They're both hurting, but Xander's the one who really needs you. It's better if you can be there for both of them, but if Buffy forces you to choose; then I think it should be Xander."

Willow snuggled deeper into his arms, and thought about what he'd said. He was right, but she hated the idea of letting Buffy down. There had to be some way to restore the relationship between her friends. She wanted them both in her life, wanted things to go back to the way they'd been earlier that year. But knew in her heart that too much had changed for that. Things could get better, if she worked hard enough, but they'd never be the same.

She also thought about Jenny, about the way the woman had spoken of her tribe. She'd been given a duty, the same as Buffy had, was it really fair of them to judge her for being loyal to her people. She'd liked Jenny, admired her even. That air of casual competence that the older woman carried with her; was everything Willow wanted to be. And Jenny had said she could teach her magic; that was a seductive offer. She wanted to learn, wanted to be able to contribute more, and Jenny had said she could.

There was nothing she could do about it tonight, so she let herself relax a little. Simply enjoying the feeling of Oz's quiet strength surrounding her. Just being with him gave her a sense of peace, and a confidence she'd never had before. He saw her, only her, not Buffy's sidekick, or Xander's friend. He saw Willow, and wanted her, and that fact still filled her with awe.

Janna watched as Xander stared out of the window, tracking Oz's van as it pulled away and disappeared up the street. The last few days had been incredibly hard on him, and this evening hadn't exactly helped. She was glad that Willow had done the right thing, finally showing that she really cared for her friend. But the young woman had been so upset, that Xander had spent more time comforting and reassuring her, than he did receiving the comfort he so desperately needed.

"So how are you really?" She offered him the mug of coffee she'd made and waited for an answer.

"I'm fine." Seeing her disbelieving look, he moved to sit beside her on the couch and continued. "Really I am, promise I'm not going to fall apart on you."

He meant it, there was a sad conviction radiating from him, and Janna cursed the people that had driven him to this. All those who hadn't supported him, who'd made him believe that he always had to cope on his own. "You can if you want to, there's no shame in feeling lost. Your mother….." Janna didn't know what to say about a woman that would abandon her child, but knew she wanted to reassure Xander some way. "She'll be back for you, I'm sure she will."

"No, I don't think so." The calm surety in his voice just saddened her even more. "She's been running and hiding for the best part of seventeen years, she's gotten damned good at it. When I talked to her……told her that I knew." Xander's voice broke a little as he tried to explain

"The fear in her eyes, the panic. She didn't want to talk about any of it, didn't even stick around long enough to say goodbye. No she won't be coming back here anytime soon. I'm sure of it."

"What about your father?" Not that Tony Harris was deserving of the title, but he had raised Xander for sixteen years.

"Pretty sure he doesn't care what I do, there were a few decipherable words in his drunken ramblings. Mostly things like good riddance and bad blood; no he won't be looking for me."

"Oh Alexei." She didn't know how to begin to comfort him, her own family were so supportive, so loving; she couldn't begin to understand Tony and Jessica.

"Don't, please. I can't think about it right now. I know I'm going to have to make some decisions, about my future, the things you told me about the Lavelles. But not tonight, I just can't cope with thinking about it tonight. If you cry, I will too; and I'm not so sure I'd be able to stop."

"I'll let it drop for now; but people will be asking questions. Technically you're still a minor, and sooner or later someone other than Willow will figure out you're not living at your home any more."

"I know, but we have a little breathing space, it's not like Sunnyhell's social workers and cops are any good at their jobs. Turning a blind eye is practically a religion in this town. I've always known that, long before I found out about the Hellmouth."

That told her more than she wanted to know about his childhood, the weary resignation in his voice making her want to go back and confront Tony Harris all over again. She wanted to know exactly what that drunken oaf had put Xander through; but at the same time dreading finding out. The Lavelles wouldn't be so circumspect, once they got here, they'd want to know every single detail of his life. Want to know what they'd missed, and Tony Harris wouldn't be getting away from them.

"When you talked to Willow earlier; you told her that she had to train her magic. You said it could be dangerous if she didn't. What did you mean?"

"Magic is a living thing, Willow has the potential to be a powerful witch. But power needs to be tempered by knowledge and duty. Right now she's teaching herself from Rupert's books, but that's just giving her the knowledge without teaching her about consequences."

"She could hurt herself?" There was no way to hide the worry in his tone.

"Or someone else, you have to think of magic almost like a science. Every action has a reaction, a consequence. If you act without conscience, it'll usually come back to bite you."

"You said it would be like an apprenticeship, is that how you learned?"

"I studied with our tribe's Chovhani. That's like a wise woman. It's hard to explain. There are the tribal elders and clan leaders; they're the ones officially in charge. But every clan has an advisor, a Chovhani, and when they give advice the leaders listen."

"So they're really the ones in charge?"

"Yes, but they generally don't interfere in the day to day stuff, they really only speak out about major decisions. They act as medical advisors, marriage councillors, teachers; basically they're the heart of the tribes."

This was the most animated Xander had been since she'd found him on her doorstep, and Janna could see how interested he was. She continued to talk about the tribes, telling him what it was like to grow up amongst the clans trying to share a little of their joint heritage.

As she spoke, she realised how much she missed her people. She'd been something of a rebel in her youth, running away to college, revelling in her pursuit of a life outside the tribe. But they'd always been there for her to fall back on, it wasn't until she'd taken the job here in Sunnydale that she'd accepted her place in her clan.

She'd been honoured to be trusted with the duty, and had worked hard to prove herself to her people. But she missed them, missed the feeling of comfort she got surrounded by her own. As the months went by she'd become desperately lonely, unable to travel back home for visits because Angelus always had to be watched.

It might have been why she'd let herself fall so hard for Rupert, his magic and knowledge making her feel a certain kinship with him. After all he wasn't the type of man she usually fell for; too uptight and judgemental for her tastes. The only contact she'd had with her family was when her uncle showed up, right before the curse broke. And that brief contact had been a disaster, she'd been so worried about the children, and he'd cared nothing for her concerns.

He'd been amongst the old guard, the ones who refused to modernise their ways; and she always fought so hard against their restrictions. However blinkered he'd been, he was still mourned, his loss would devastate the tribes. Angelus once more making her people suffer, she was sure that others would be coming soon and she wouldn't be able to hide Xander from them. He would have to face his new family, whether he liked it or not.

But like he'd said, that was a worry for the morning; for now she'd simply tell him tales about her home. Let him hear about his family and traditions, satisfy his curiosity a little. His presence relaxed her, he gave off the easy familiarity of kin; and she didn't notice when he leaned in closer to listen, didn't feel their bodies resting gently together, shoulder to knee. She just talked on, long into the night, trying to give him a sense of what it meant to be Romany.

_tbc……_


End file.
